by Carolyn Forrester

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"Breathing In Breathing Out" (Forgiveness)

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True forgiveness is rare in our culture. It's most often a shallow intellectual exercise that leaves one a victim. Before my first husband’s death, the two of us were engaged in a power struggle over our unfinished 10-year-old self-built house project. Then he died, leaving me alone in rural Southeast Indiana, living in sawdust, full of resentment and anger…what a mess! To get out of my trap, first I learned to let go and trust. Then over the next two years, I worked my way internally to feel compassion for both of us. At the same time, I finished the house myself and with the help of friends got my occupancy certificate. Still, I was stuck…my heart wouldn’t fill up all the way. It took more than me, it took more than friends, it took what felt like Grace. I had done the work to set the stage, and then one day forgiveness just came, spontaneously, miraculously. I was able to receive it. And then, just as miraculously, my heart filled up. I was suddenly able to forgive Scott. I breathe forgiveness in, I breathe forgiveness out…I am free! May he rest in peace.

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